Content Warning: This poem contains descriptions of domestic violence.
This poem was shared by Yandia Best to shed light on experiences with domestic violence.
Best wanted to share her poems because they can mirror the experiences of others going through similar experiences, particularly those on the fence about leaving an abuser.
You could be on the fence because the abuser is not physically hitting you, but their words are crushing your self-esteem and diminishing your spirit and sense of peace and wholeness by making you feel ashamed and undignified. And that is definitely a reason to leave.
It’s Gonna Hurt Me More
By Yandia Best
I can see you biting your lip
The way you do
When you know you’re in trouble
Or at a disadvantage
You’ve put me down
Made it impossible
For me to get to work
Refuse to reveal how much money you make
Blame me for being pregnant
Disallow me to challenge you
Use my child to relay threatening messages
You treat my family like sh*t
And you expect me to stay with you?
Your words were
“Back home, someone can do something
to the other person
And they can still stay together!”
NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I stay
It’s gonna hurt me more
If I stay
I can expect more of the same
If I stay
I’m accepting the status quo
I’ve been around this block
Long enough to know
What will happen and keep happening
If I stay.
I’ll never be good enough
I’ll always be wrong for challenging you
There will always be a double standard
I’ll never be able to trust you again
My life will always be in limbo
And I will be passing on the generational curse
Of domestic abuse
To my children
That my family passed on to me.
Furthermore,
I would always feel like
A single mom
You’ll never really want to know me
I’ll always be here
Just to fill a female role
But never appreciated
For who I am
To you
To our children
To my family
To my profession
To my country
To my world
For you’ve never
Once or twice said
I appreciate you
You look beautiful
Happy Birthday
Happy Mother’s Day
Congratulations on your graduation
Let me feel the baby
Is she moving a lot?
How do you feel?
I could go on and on.
My decision is final.
There’s no no no no turning back.
I’m, We’re, moving on
To greener, greener emotional
Pastures.